I am a divorced woman in my 40s and I want to find someone to share the rest of my life with. But I've heard so many horror stories about the dating world. What do I have to watch out for while I'm looking for someone to love?Dear Wary,
You are right to be concerned. There are so many stories out there about men you could love but who take control in a way that would not benefit you.
I can tell you're a sensitive woman who loves God. You would never be one to blame God for your troubles, but like Job in the Bible, you do not always have to approve of what happens to you!
I know you are a strong woman, stronger than you realize, even though you may have told yourself deep down that you are not so powerful, because you look at what's happened, and some part of you says it's all your fault.
Your fault is merely your past loss of innocence. Your fault is merely being part of the fall that snags us all.
Others have convinced you - for their purposes - that you have no control or willpower of your own, that you are not an assertive child of God, that you have no determination to change into the most perfect image of God that you can be.
As you evolve into the romantic, godlike, loving person you are, listen to your inner voice, your voice that's blessed, your intuitive voice, your voice within that tells you to step back and see the godlike spirit within others, and to slow down your heart just a little bit, so it beats ever so slower and is quiet and you can hear your voice.
It says what you know is true, and it asks you to breath a bit.
(And yes it knows about your trouble with that man, the one without a solution.)
Let me tell you: I read a story about a woman who kept meeting men and none of them was right. She was concerned because it was taking her valuable time and energy and it was like a job to her and she wanted to get the job done right now.
And her best friend asked her why she scurried around so, and she said, "I'm afraid I'll never find the right one." And her friend was wise - everyone has a friend like that we never listen to completely - and she said, "You know, if you're looking for a man while you're afraid, your man you're looking for will not see you when you're brave, confident and full of love. He'll only see you when you're not brave, not confident and not full of love."
And her friend stopped and thought a bit.
I can see you finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. How could a beautiful woman like you not attract a man who wants to love you?
Another story I heard was from a woman who was the head of her church, who counseled souls all day and night, who saw God's spirit in everyone, who gave out her wisdom... and a man lied to her about love and stole $13,000.
And the expert in that story said that others could learn from her story.
And the woman in the other story who had fear gained bravery to be herself.
And the woman in the first story gained when she met her handsome detective...
In the real world, do this:
- Meet a person for real, in public.
- Never give your dates money or share financial information.
- Meet the person's family.
- Listen to your inner voice.