I'm currently in the last years of a college program, and because I'm a woman in a field surrounded by men, and my college is big enough, there's no shortage of men to meet. The problem is, all the men I meet either are clear they want to be only friends or they want to hook up for a while and then they fade away. What's going on? I'm not too loose, and I'm not too old-fashioned. So what kind of person do you think I can attract right now?Dear Magnetica:
I was at an event recently where a young woman asked a similar question, although she was more specific about time. She wanted to know when she was going to meet someone - I can't remember if she used the exact words "meet her soulmate" or not - but when would she meet that person? The answer was three years, and the young woman let out a unconscious, soulful scream: "Three years!"
My ears are still ringing. Sometimes, maybe you have to lie.
I can tell you're that you're similar in that you're strong and you're driven to succeed, and you've always been this way. Even when you were playing as a little kid, you had specific goals and you wanted what you wanted. Were you the one who told everyone else just how the game was going to be played? Does this sound familiar to you?
Now you're grown up and you're playing with these bigger toys called men, and they aren't doing what you want them to do.
Except for the vintage toys. Now, your older guys might be doing what you think you want.
You're probably attracting older men who are bewitched by your beauty and assertiveness and youth. Are they the right men for you? No, they're not. But besides their inherent toyness, they have other toys that others you meet won't have, like stable jobs and cars and extra money and apartments where the roommates don't wake up at three a.m. to pee in the sink.
And just like shiny new vacuum cleaners, they also have attachments, like three children, or an ex-wife, or that wife that they're still kinda living with but the divorce isn't yet, well it's complicated.
It's your choice on whether to let them into your life. And you will succeed whether they're in your life or not. Of course you will.
I see the odds are very low that those guys will last.
Go ahead and be with them, or someone closer to your age, because you want to, and you'll get what you want.
Yet you maybe are going to scream if I say three years. So for the sake of any listening ears I'm not going to say three years. Instead I'll tell you 36 months.
In that time you'll understand what I'm talking about.
And of course you're going to fight against what I say just as you fight against anyone who tells you what to do, because that's who you are.
So you might find a mate for your soul in these three years, or you might find what you need to, to get through the time while you wait for the one you're going to find anyway.
And here's the part that'll mess with you: so am I telling you three years because I really think you have to wait three years, or am I saying three years to you because I know you'll fight against me saying three years (you know you like a passionate fight) and you'll start attracting guys who will be right for you but don't want to wait three years?
- Bob Arcana
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